He’s a Bitch

Here’s a frightening thought of something that is, and has always been.

Just a handful of people decide what music is going to be unleashed on the public.
That same handful will decide the order of priority those acts will receive.
That same handful will also make projections, sometimes accurate, sometimes humorous, and those projections will decide the amount of money allocated to this endeavor.

They make decisions primarily based on personal taste, a favor owed, real or imagined “buzz”, on tea leaves that are sometimes accurate, sometimes comical, in the frenzy of a bid war, in the frenzy of what they mistake for passion, but again is either the heat of the moment, or more frightening, personal taste.

They come up with both logical and asinine reasons to sign someone.
They come up with both logical and asinine reasons to pass on someone.

You think about the millions of consumers that inhabit the world, and what they are fed is based on the decision of a small group of people.
Think if there were only five chefs supplying the menus for the world.

Now some of these people are extremely skilled, be it understanding data, having great ears, both. Or maybe just the right “gut”.
I’m very vocal about my respect and admiration for people like Jason Flom, Monte and Avery Lipman, David Massey, Barry Weiss, Steve Bartels .
That’s the people with the “right stuff”.
Brilliant, all of them.

Then we get the incompetent jerk offs like the one I dealt with recently.
In conversation with me, he proceed to allude to, and at times blatantly, take credit for acts he didn’t sign.
I played the bitch out and asked him if he the president’s real ears and secret weapon.
This douche says yes.
Not knowing I was friends with said label president.
Then we have a deep discussion on how all that matters today is a hit song.
The artist has nothing to do with it, we agree.

Then he extols the virtues of his new job and how great it is there.
However, his new job is at the worst label group.
His old job was at the best label group.
So this little bitch doesn’t even realize he’s playing himself by weaving that tale.
Then he starts going on about his new boss and how is mentoring him.
Which is odd, considering his old boss hired him fresh from college and mentored him for over 10 years.
I’m listening.

He was bounced from his old job because he didn’t have hits, his colleagues did, and he couldn’t deal with being a team player.
Because he’s a bitch.

So after we go through all of this, and unbeknownst to him, I have people silently on the call, I send him a smash some kid gave me.
He goes on to say what a smash it is.
Plus there is testing to go along with the song, saying it is a hit indeed.

I hook the kid up with him, they meet.
A&R VP punk ass bitch, goes to tell the kid it’s a hit.
Kid never hears back from him.
I get involved.
Bitch tells me the song is a hit but the kid isn’t a superstar.
Which is directly against the grain of our conversation about hit songs.
I go off on him.
I also tell his old boss what he said, because you all know how loyal I am to my friends.

The kid laughs it off and his only question is, why did this guy take 3 weeks to tell me what he could have said in the meeting?
I explain my hunch.
This douche bag was jumping up and down about his new record.
Even shooting his load about it all over social media.
However the record is a stiff, and for reasons known to the entire industry, except this wanker, it will be cock blocked.
So I assume Mr. A&R is scared shitless to sign anything unless it has a giant story or someone cosigns with him.
He’s a pussy.

I’m about to email him and tell him when his career is over, and it will be, I would have gladly hired him to be my pool boy, or join the lawn crew here.
But now, in no uncertain terms, he can suck it.
Your music business story for the day.